My schizophrenic mother
suicided when I was 17 years old. At the time I lived on my own, doing things
normal seventeen year olds do. That event was the trigger to shape my life as
manic depressive. I was prevented by circumstances from attending my mothers
funeral. So in order to deal with my emotions/mood went wild.
Drinking/smoking cannabis/staying up all night - many nights at a
time/promiscuity all an escapism. In hindsight it didn't work, I went high,
started behaving abnormally, lost touch with reality. I remember climbing up
to the roof of a garage believing I could fly. Believing I could make
cigarette machines dispense without paying (wish that one was true). Thought
I'd won a car. As this strange behaviour continued my housemate realised
there was something drastically wrong and rifled through my things, found my
aunts tel.no. My aunt took me home and looked after me, which was extremely
difficult for her as I still didn't sleep.
It was at her house the tv started giving me messages, the programmes had a
subconscious meaning which only I was aware of. At this point I started to
hallucinate - spiders. My aunt took me to GP (I can remember the
receptionists ridiculing/laughing at me) he insisted I be taken to hospital.
I ended up on a section [Mental Health act detained for own good or public
safety] at an old asylum, Fairmile hospital in Cholsey. My symptoms
continued, some of it quite pleasurable and dreamlike, still the odd spider
though. I heard voices from the holy spirit, had delusions of grandeur
(thought I was related to the royal family), and believed myself extremely
rich. I was hospitalised for 9 months. I lost my job, my home and my
boyfriend at the time. Had 1 month out of hospital then fell into a suicidal
depression and found myself back in Fairmile.
Rowland.
24th May 2006
J:
My Partner's Bipolar
I met my partner when he was on the tail
end of being high, we both left partners for each other and I guess falling
in love was a kind of madness for both of us. He was stable for 4.5 yrs
after that and I guess we both became complacent.
Then last year he became high again, ended
up voluntarily going to hospital as he was becoming violent and self harming
amongst other things. He met up with a woman in there who was diagnosed as a
paranoid schizophrenic and decided it was his mission to save her. He
declared she was his new wife and kicked me out. He moved her and her
daughter in with him and my two step sons and shortly afterwards all hell
broke loose, with arguments, fighting, regular police visits and goodness
knows what else. It lasted about 6 weeks and when the high started wearing
off, he kicked her out and then came running back to me.
I was devastated when it happened, I was
homeless, had no money as we had spent all mine going on holiday to Spain
prior to him going to hospital (I thought the break might help). At the time
I never thought I'd take him back, but I know the real man inside loves me
and wants to be with me, the manic mind however has different ideas and
wants to do everything & everyone else. He was well for the first 3 months
of this year and then started to become depressed. It hasn't been as bad as
he's experienced in previous years so hopefully we've nipped it in the bud
with the meds, I think he's making slow improvements, but he's probably
going to have to address his drinking soon as he's been self-medicating a
lot with that.
I'm not sure what I'll do when the
inevitable happens and he gets high again, I can't imagine a life getting
constantly hurt, but we both feel we are soulmates and I can't imagine being
without him. I've got my own flat now and although I've pretty much moved
back into the family home (I feel like the kids mum, so I've missed all of
that) I'm still keeping hold of my bolt hole.
It's a difficult one isn't it? I think
relationships always are and there are always compromises to make one way or
another. I for one would never wish depression on anyone as I've seen what
it can do and I'd rather my partner were high than low, for his sake.
However from the "other side" it's easier to look after someone and be
sympathetic with depression (even though it is soul destroying and
frustrating) than when they are manic and destructive.
Life is a joy, filled with delightful surprises
If you would like to add your story to ours then type it up
and email it to me
John
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